Choosing not to chase…

ImageHow do you know that you have been running until you stand still?  How do you recognize that your running has been a chase, one that is going after that which is and always will be ever-elusive…because it is not real?

We are born into a world that  sometimes demands of us to begin running before we understand what it means to truly stand, before we understand what it truly means to walk.  Sometimes, we are asked to go after and resolve the dreams of those who have come before us, because they have “failed” to achieve them.  Thus, their dreams become our dreams.  They live vicariously through us (even if they no longer live), and then we do the same to others.

As we begin this new year, we may be tempted to create long lists of goals to be achieved over the next twelve months.  That is, until we have to create newer and even longer lists that include the goals we “failed” to achieve (alongside the ones we now believe we must achieve in order to be “successful” in the process of living our lives).  We may be tempted to beat ourselves up for not having achieved our goals from the previous year(s).  We may even be tempted to simply give up and decide that we can never live life as we are expected or would like to live it.

Recently, when asked if I have made any resolutions for the new year, I have responded, “No.”  This answer, however, is not true.  There is one resolution that I have made–I have resolved to understand why I chose to make resolutions.

This year I have resolved to understand what parts of my desires for my future come solely from me, rather than from the desires of those who have come before me and who have had an influence upon my life.

It is a daunting task.  It is, however, a task that I am undertaking with great pleasure and already happy results.

28I recognize now that the fear-tinged “happiness,” which I have been chasing for so very long, is neither of my design nor is it my desire.  I recognize now, even more fully, that the capital “H” Happiness is not a fearful experience and one does not have to chase after it.  Happiness is always around you.  You simply have to choose to stop running.  You must choose to stand still–at least, this is what I have come to understand in regards to my life.

Stopping, however, is a process.  You cannot simply halt yourself midstep and not expect to fall.  No, you must slow yourself down and begin acknowledging that which surrounds you.  And as you slow down, you begin to realize that you can breathe more easily, think more freely, move more gently. You realize that the path, on which you are travelling, is not so very hard on your feet, on your body, or on your mind.  Indeed, the path is actually one that is quite beautiful even if and when it is isolated…

Beginning late October of last year, I began this process of stopping.  I decided to allow life to show me that, even at my lowest, I can also experience my highest sensations of gratitude and love.

Thus, I would like to welcome this new year with an expression of gratitude to all those who have supported me and continue to do so (even when my path diverged from their own). Particularly the following people:

  • My Mother (who is an emblem of strength),
  • My Sisters (who think and know that I am quite strange but love me anyway),
  • My Ex-partner (who showed me the part of myself that was missing and still loved me),
  • My New and Old Friends (who help me to face myself each day),
  • My New and Old Mentors (who inspire me to reach that which seems beyond me),

Thank You All.

 I hope that You have been able to welcome the new year with hope and joy. 

Until Next Time…

Best,

D.

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